If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. 1 John 1:9 (The Message)
Every morning, I see myself in the mirror. There are things to do: wash with my special facial cleanser, pat dry, apply anti-winkle cream (with SPF 30), brush my teeth, comb my hair, and gear up for another day. Over this last year, though, I’ve watched my face getting puffier, my chin growing “a second row,” and I don’t like it.
In 2013, I lost nearly 35 pounds. My best weight was 175. I was able to maintain that for almost a year. Then other things started happening in my body and slowly but surely, all that effort I put in losing the 35 pounds got lost in the fog of my chronic pain. And as I stood on the scale yesterday, I stared down at the number. 215 pounds. I stepped off, let the scale reset, and tried it again. 215, exactly the same as the first time. Just for good measure, I tried again. Nope, there it was: 215 pounds – all 35 pounds that I’d lost had, like the prodigal son, found its way back home…and those 35 found a 5 pound friend and invited it to visit as well.
I wasn’t shocked — in fact, I was glad it wasn’t more. I knew I had put on the weight. Now, it was a question of what I was going to do with myself — throw out my desire to trim this “temple” God has given me and just become comfortable in my fat or throw down the Little Debbie Cakes and say, “No more. I can do this. I need this. I want to be healthy. I want to clean up the temple and keep it sparkling!”
I had already decided BEFORE I stepped on the scale that I wanted to at the healthy weight that just a year before had been just a few pounds away. I knew that I needed to eat low carb because carbs are not my friends. I just wanted a simple plan that did not include adding up calories. I had a lot of friends that have had success with the new Weight Watchers points plan and I joined yesterday (September 1). I loaded the WW app to my phone and found that all I had to do was list what I ate and it tracks my points for me. I like what the WW points plan offers me — simplicity and choices.
I got down on my knees and had some quality alone time with God. I repented for my gluttony. I discussed at length with God my greatest pitfalls (my love of sweets and carbs, my habit of gorging myself late at night, the fact that I could eat ice cream breakfast, lunch, supper). I talked with him about my “shame eating” — the times I’ve bought $25 worth of candy bars and hidden them from the rest of the family, eating them when I was alone, and hiding the wrappers WWAAAYYYY down at the bottom of the trash can. (Come on…I know some of you know what I’m talking about!) I was honest with Him about my unwillingness to call on Him in the grips of fighting off a craving and praying for help.
This morning, my morning devotional verse was 1 John 1:9. I was not surprised that God aligned my morning devotional scripture with the very subject for which I’d been baring my soul to Him. That’s how He works. Isn’t that cool? Here are the words that struck me like a lightning bolt (additions and emphasis mine):
We are fooling yourself, Sandy — God already knows your sin.
Admit your sins, Sandy, and come clean with God.
He won’t let you down, Sandy.
He’ll be true to Himself, Sandy.
He’ll forgive your sins, Sandy, and purge you.
So, with a clean slate, I’m on my journey to health again. If you are in a less-than-happy place with your weight, I understand. If you’re willing to start with a clean slate, God understands. If there’s something you want to share in the comments, I will pray with you. This is not a place of judgment. None of us is perfect. Our God loves to give second chances…and third, fourth, fifth, sixth…endless chances.
Pray for me and I’ll pray for you.