Last year in July, I had life-changing knee surgery. After being in pain for eighteen months, I had surgery to repair a tear in the meniscus in my right knee. Six weeks later, my knee movement was great and was experiencing no pain from the knee or the surgery. (Oh that I could have that kind of relief in my back — but that is another story.)
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Then two weeks ago, I pressed on the gas pedal to accelerate my car and something in that knee “popped,” for lack of a better explanation right now. (I’ve had an MRI and will find out what it shows this Thursday.) I’m back to always using a cane, instead of just occasionally using one on really bad back days. I’ve taken more pain medication than I like to take. I’ve iced it, propped it, babied it, and prayed over it. So far, no relief.
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Enter this morning: it’s rainy and cold in Fayetteville, North Carolina. My husband, who teaches Criminal Justice in our public school system here in Cumberland County, started a new school year today. My daughter, who starts school NEXT Monday as a junior, spent the night at a friend’s house so her mother could take them to cross country practice (thank you, Terrie Fonseca, from the bottom of my hurt little knee). I was alone in a semi-dark house laid back on the easy chair in which I’ve slept for the past two weeks because it keeps my knee at in incline, which in turn, keeps it from swelling like a melon.
And the self-pity party started.
I started to turn on the television so I could watch the news. (And find out which was the worst story so that I could at least say, “Ha! At least my life is better than that!” Oh, come on. You know you’ve done it, too!) Instead, I picked up one of my devotional books from the end table beside my chair. (God‘s Promises & Answers for Your Life by J. Countryman for Thomas Nelson Publisher. I wholeheartedly recommend this book because it is a compilation of scripture by subject matter. For example, “Understanding the Liberty that is in Christ,” or “How to Know that You’re Saved” are two of the subjects listed in the book.)
There, on page four, was this scripture:
If anyone belongs to Christ, there is a new creation. The old things have gone; everything is made new! (2 Corinthians 5:17, NCV)
“The old things have gone.” It was like a slap in the face and I was ashamed at my initial reaction for the start of my day. You see, I used to start every day in a deep funk because I forgot what I learned as a child: Jesus makes me a new creation through His blood. Because I am His child and He gave me this day, rainy and all, I have a new start. I have to lay down my feelings of self-importance, pride, anger, and anything that will keep me from being all that this “new creation” is meant to be — including my self-pity.
And that reminder led me to today’s song. I’ve made a pact with my Heavenly Father that should another morning come that I want to wallow in self-pity and be discouraged at my situation, I’m going to play this over and over till my attitude is new again. The words to the chorus of this song get me every time!
I die to my ambition.
I die to selfish pride.
I take up my cross and cast my will aside.
My life upon the altar, as a sacrifice, I lay.
What joy to live and die another day!
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What about you? What did you promise God this morning? What will you promise Him now?
- Is your life of faith a struggle? Yes? Great!!!!!! (justifiedandsinner.com)
- Pain after knee surgery (ask.metafilter.com)