A Half-Truth is the Most Cowardly of Lies

Today started out dreary.  When we made our way to the car this morning, we were both soaked by heavy rain.  I didn’t say anything to Kelly as I took his hand.  As we always do when we start our journeys to the UNC Cancer Hospital, we pray:  for our safety, for the safety of those we leave behind, for the safety of others drivers that we encounter on the road, for the witness we may be called to provide to those we meet along the way…and for Kelly’s blood work to be good.

Image Credit:  www.collectwallpaper.com

Never before today have I ridden to Chapel Hill with a heavy heart.  Never before have I been scared of what the outcome of Kelly’s blood tests might be.  Since the first time he went into remission, I have always been secure in the fact that God has more for Kelly to do on this earth and that God intends to keep Kelly healthy to serve Him.

Photo Credit:  http://alccorting.wordpress.com

But today the devil lied to me, yet again, and I believed him for a while.  All he had to whisper today was “What if?

Lie #3:  What if ______________?

Today, my “what if” was:  what if the blood work shows that the leukemia is back?  The hematology clinic where they take Kelly’s blood always has patients in various stages of the cancer process.  Today, it seemed there were more people who had lost their hair, or their ability to walk on their own, or had to wear a mask because they were in a neutropenic state and could not afford to come in contact with germs of any kind.

Kelly During Chemotherapy – December 2010

We were blessed again today with good numbers and a vote of confidence from the doctor:  instead of coming every six weeks for follow-ups, Kelly can come every three months.

Oh, how my faith faltered this day.  And not because what the devil presented me with was something that I recognized as an out-right lie, such as “God doesn’t love you, Sandy,” but because it was what I initially perceived as a half-truth.  There is always the chance of recurrence with cancer.  It happens every day.  In fact, most cancer patients will tell you that the initial cancer diagnosis isn’t as scary as the thought that it might come back.

Image Credit:  www.golfingwithglen.com

Be strong and brave. Don’t be afraid of them and don’t be frightened, because the Lord your God will go with you. He will not leave you or forget you.  Deuteronomy 31:6 (New Century Version)

On our ride home, God would not let me rest until I realized what He was trying to teach me:  if it’s a half-truth, it’s still a lie.  This is perhaps Satan‘s most successful tool — the “What if” lie.  He takes something that is real in our lives and creates a half-truth with it.  Our job is to remember that even if he uses real circumstances, his half-truth is still a lie.

Image Credit:  www.s723.photobucket.com

What, you may ask, would I have done if the numbers had not been good?  I would have been shocked.  I would have been upset.  I would have cried.  But I would have been all these things on my knees.  I would have called on my family to pray.  I would have contacted my friends and church family and asked them to pray.  But I would not have been weak about it like I was on the ride to Chapel Hill today.  If God gives me the chance, I will never make that trip with a weak heart again.

So my dear brothers and sisters, stand strong. Do not let anything move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your work in the Lord is never wasted.  1 Corinthians 15:58 (New Century Version)

Photo Credit:  www.photo.net

My dear friends — what’s your “What if?”



“Liar, Liar Pants on Fire”

“He’s a Liar and the Truth Ain’t in Him”


16 thoughts on “A Half-Truth is the Most Cowardly of Lies

  1. You have been in my thoughts lately along with your family. I can only hope that you continue to trust God no matter what. Cancer is a scary road to travel down as I have been down the breast cancer road with my mother ( and other cancers ) and my sister. I am praying Kelly’s healing and strength as well as yours. God is able to do anything. Remember that. Nothing goes unnoticed by The Almighty.

    Blessings to you Sandy,

    * I don’t know if you checked your email lately, but I sent you one last week after I read your message to me about getting together one day. Just let me know. ( hugs )

    1. I did get it but I opened it on my iPhone (still so new to me) and now I cannot find it anywhere!!! Can you re-send your contact info? I am so excited to meet you in person. Sandy

  2. Oh this is good! I wish I would’ve read this earlier. I am so glad the numbers came out well. Yes, the devil is a liar, and yes, whether things go good or bad in life, we can rest assured that God is in control and we come out as victors in the end regardless. Thank you for sharing this, Sandy. My what if? Well…I have the retest of my mammogram early in the morning, so I have the ‘what if’ of it being breast cancer. I’m figuring it’s not…it’s probably just the cysts. I mean, why would God give me that wonderful miracle of the dental work, and the phone call today that in 3 weeks I can begin school again, just to turn around and find out I have to deal with the big C in the midst of everything else? And I know that if it did turn out to be that, His grace is sufficient and it’ll be alright. But no, I won’t feel happy if that turned out to be the case. I actually have several what ifs…but I do know that Jesus is bigger than all of them. Me? I’m not bigger. I’m a little pip squeak to use a term my brothers used to use. 🙂 My biggest what if right now is what if my emotional roller coaster destroys my witness? That’s what Satan tries to tell me through it…my witness is no good because I’m weak and might as well just give up. I’m a basket case. And yes, I’m weak. But one thing I know about God is that he likes to take weak things and use them so that His strength shows through.

    I’m so glad your day turned out so well. Blessings to you and Kelly –Anne

  3. The ‘what ifs’ really can feel worse than the initial diagnoses, because a person has been thru the fight and knows how much that battle takes from them physically, emotionally, and mentally. Each October I love getting the phone call from Robin saying her numbers are good! I know she holds her breath every year as they do that test. But with 4 relatives who actually had cancer and 1 who had cancer cells, now it is I that occasionally has the ‘what ifs’ when I have my phyical or have a odd pain somewhere. Yes the devil may be the one who gives us the ‘what ifs’ but God doesn’t mind us having them because sometimes it is those ‘what ifs’ that is our reminder that God is there for us and to remind us to pray about it. So glad his tests came back good!

    1. I just praise God for Robin’s continued good reports. And I love you so much, dear cousin and friend. Our roads have been bumpy these last two years. We will make it through, though. Sandy

  4. Praying for you both Sandy! Have a son who lost a kidney in his freshman year of college to cancer, he is fine today and is running NYC Marathons the first Sunday of November just about every year. Mom is a 53 year survivor of breast cancer at 95. Many others including most recently my own husband have suffered with some form of cancer. I understand your fears at check up time, we did that for year’s with my son who is a 21 year survivor at the age of 40!
    Prayers for the journey, God is walking every step with you.

    1. Thanks for stopping by. What a great testimony your Mom and son have. Thanks for sharing. I will keep you all in my prayers. Sandy

  5. God bless you and Kelly. I am a new follower and will be keeping you both in my prayer. I am now a 12 yr breast cancer survivor, I had three tumors in my breast that were aggressive and all removed at the same time. I pray Gods physical healing and remission also for Kelly. ~Patty

    1. I will add you to my prayer list as well, Patty. I truly believe it’s what made the biggest difference to Kelly’s recovery. Sandy

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